Thursday, March 17, 2016

B is for...Bloggin' @ 28



Now that I'm 28 and my ovaries are separating, making the chances of having a child with myself STATISTICALLY slimmer (not factoring in how many eggs I think I could produce if I actually tried), I must start looking into my past in order start to discovering my future. This 28 will be like no other 28 I have been before - it will be a 28 like no other. And it will most certainly be the last time I do it and therefor must go out with bangs. But just like Keanu in The Matrix, I must take a red aspirin and discover an entirely new world made of guys with one face.


Most people will be asking me in the following days "What does it feel like to be 28"? and I don't know what I'm going to say. My computer says 11:58 right now which means I'm still a 27 year old spring chicken. Which, now that I think of it, sounds like a pretty gross chicken. If we were at your grandpa's farm and you pointed to the chicken over there, the one hidden in the back over there. And you said "that one's 27", I imagine it would look old and gross. But anyway.

Physically, I feel good for 28. My knees both have annoying osgood-schlatter that probably will never go away and my shoulder still makes a clicking sound. Sometimes I wake up and my hands are covered in someone else's blood. And other times, my back will go and I'm laid up for a day or two. But really, at 28 I feel great.

I also feel great mentally. I'm cool with being this age. I'm definitely not young anymore and for every hair on my head that buys a condo on my back, another passable reason for being an adolescent shit head is cast too, like a dead follicle through the thing at the start of Days of our Lives. Time to grow up and quit farting around, *he wrote into his unpaid blog*. But at the same time, it's not like I'm 30 or anything! hahaha, that would be GROSS!


Anyway, the time is now well past midnight and I'm 28. It's mental. The wet behind my ears from Mountain Dew and chloriney hotel pool water at friends' birthday parties is gone. Just minutes after the hand struck midnight, my laundry was dry and I folded slacks - I used to own pants. I imagine there will be more of these kinds of anomalies, so just like those psychos who Google the Steven Avery case before seeing the end of Making a Murderer, I Googled what 28 will be like to find out the answers instead of just watching the goddamn show.

Quora.com
Do people start to feel old at 28 years old?

Hila BaginMSc BioMedCompSciEng, Polyglot, opportunistic webdeveloper
I have felt like a 40 yo most of my 20s mostly because my life's experiences, the bad ones, have propelled me to a higher lvl of maturity than my peers. 


It hasn't been to my advantage - it would have been had I known or had the connections to "serious people" - deciders in industry, politics. Those were and still are people I can instantaneously connect with. But no one will talk to the guy with the unpronounceable last name, no matter how nice he is. Doesn't ring bells, won't open doors. 

So while my age peers lived and developed passions, I had my passion crushed by grim reality. 

Feeling old comes,IMHO, from perceived isolation - consider that retirees who live in communities where they have a lot of interaction with other people, preferably younger ones as well, have been found to age slower, be more flexible on their thinking and all around more compassionate.


Hila makes a great point. He's a Polyglot which, when Googled, means "able to read or write several languages". Crazy.
Bad life experiences will definitely mature someone quickly, I mean look at Elian Gonzalez. But when looking for "serious people in industry" and "politics" to succeed, UGH! right? I can't find them anywhere either. Then Hila starts losing me during the "unpronounceable last name" part. If Steve Wozniak can build a computer and Lupita Nyong'0 can win an Oscar, Hila Bagin can connect with "serious people".

Then Hila got a little dark. "Grim reality" sounds more like a 30+ year old sort of word, and I think we need to qualify what "grim" and what "reality" is. In my mind, Grim is

And when I think of reality, I think of:


That's right, Snookie screaming into a phone. Yikers.
I think what Hila needs to remember is to lighten up and maybe even just chill also. Being a polyglot is tiring and we all get in the weeds. But blaming old folks homes isn't fair. Those people are our grannies and grandpas and nonas and grand pappies and omas and opas and yoyo's and wah wahs and heydy howdy doody.

Not really getting much closure with that answer, I feel the need to delve deeper into what 28 really means. Here are some facts:

Paul McCartney dissolved the Beatles the month before his 28th birthday.
This doesn't surprise me because the Beatles were soft and Paul McCartney was lucky Ringo was the least cool member of the Beatles because he was next. And trust me, I get that you disagree. I get it.

Alexander Bell was "in the throes of inventing the telephone - the breakthrough comes a week after his 29th birthday". This is perfect because it means I still have time. Even though phones are already invented I don't think I could invent a phone. But I have a year to figure it out.

Quentin Tarantino debuted Reservoir Dogs when he was 28.
That is insane. That movie might not only be Tarantino's best but it made no money and is remembered for about a million reasons. It's a classic. And he was 28 when he made it, and went on to make his own genre. I can't do that but maybe I will watch some of his movies this year..?

Quora. com
If you could time travel and meet your 28-year-old self, what would you say?

Ellen Vrana
That awkward, anti-social, drunk guy who just pretended to insult you and has an unhealthy obsession with Kelly Clarkson actually likes you.  He has the wooing skills of a 3rd grader.  

 
He's going to as
k you on a date.  
 
It won't seem like a date, because, well, the location, atmosphere, conversation, continued social awkwardness and the fact that you'll have a major mishap involving a car and a parking lot.  
 
But it is a date. And he's perfect for you.
 
Realize this and you can spend 1 more month with the love of your life.

K THAT'S CUTE!

Cheers, and Happy St. Patrick's Day

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