Monday, November 19, 2012


So last night was like, tooooooo crazy. 
I got so drunk I stole the photographer's camera at the club! I just dumped all the pictures on my computer and I'm starting to piece the night together...

These betches were all competing for the limelight! The babe in the middle was all "back up, I wanna get a picture of my arm" and the girl in the yellow was all "back up, I have to fart".

Omg I totally forgot! Lou Ferrigno's brother was there!!! But he was wearing a blonde wig, so that was weird...

I'm actually sooo touched that they still let blind people in the bar. Jamie Foxx must've like broke so many barriers by playing that black guy in the movie about Stevie Wonder.

 How much you wanna bet the guy on the left's name is Tony? He was totally creeping on these girls all night, until he pointed at the camera when I took this picture and the girls were like "omg this guy is such a baller!" and they all went home with him.

 These guys were the nicest Mexican cowboys I've ever met. UNTIL I noticed buddy in the blue was wearing Ralph Lauren, and I thought 'Hm, what kinda cowboy wears Ralph Lauren?' They could tell I was calling their bluff though because they immediately called a cab on lefty's Blackberry.

 These guys were nice. They sold all their WOW Gold just for a night out on the town. You could say the guy on the left was the "brains" of the group because he yakked my ear off about mainframes and terabytes and blah blah blah. You could also say those women were hookers.

 I almost died! I've met a ton of spanish cover bands, but En Synco is easily in my top 5!

 All this guy wanted to talk about was Folgers coffee.

This guy could've had any girl in the club (CLEARLY) cuz they were totally harassing him all night. But just to play coy he chose this male horse jockey instead.

 I had never heard of Siamese twins being attached at the temple before, but these two kept going on and on about the surgery and how they wish they would've chosen getting separated over implants. This economy is just the worst.



Monday, November 12, 2012

A Few Good Tweets

Kyle Kinane Kyle Kinane @kylekinane
I have diarrhea from eating too many gummi worms last night. I am, quite literally, too old for this shit.

Jeffrey Hadz Jeffrey Hadz @Hadzilla
Somewhere out there someone in a wheelchair approaches a staircase wishing his parents never gave him that skateboard for Christmas.

Parky Parky @ImActuallySEAN
I think i'm gunna start dealing drugs. Not enough to make a lot of money, but enough to get into a lot of trouble.

James Hough James Hough @hihough
In the new Clint Eastwood movie, I hope he plays a man set in his ways.

Conor Tripler Conor Tripler @ConorTripler
*pops collar* *pops collars on shirt sleeves* *pops collar on waistband of pants* *pops collars on uggs* *pops fedora collar* Rdy 4 The Club

Tyler Pearson Tyler Pearson @Thewhiteside0@
"ahh it's fuckin TRIANGLES!!!" - guy I delivered pizza to. Apparently wanted it cut into squares. #priceless

Horse ebooks Horse ebooks @Horse_ebooks
Everything happens so much

Jeff Klinger Jeff Klinger @JeffKlinger
Please delete any texts you received from me last night. There will be no lunches, no hiking, nothing is a great idea, no do this again soon

Schindizzle Schindizzle @Schindizzle
"Speak softly and carry a glow stick." -- Theodore Ravevelt

 carlos carlos @famouscrab
dvds is a scam dont buy them u can just turn on any tv and they lterally have shows on it most days of the week!!!

 vladchoc vladchoc @vladchoc
What we have here is failure to communicate. No, hang on. Ok, no. It's a dog. Sorry, I didn't see the tail. What we have here is a dog.

 Megan Amram Megan Amram @meganamram
"I'm thinking of a letter between 'O' and '3'" - Russians